I don’t know what I want to do, but I know who I want to be….. Diane Von Furstenburg

I have a few standard tv channels that are always on.  I usually have them on for background noise. Hgtv, tbs, foodnetwork. There was a commercial for an upcoming reality show on Diane Von Furstenburg… About how she built her empire…. but the statement she made rang true for me. I first thought… wait a second! That my line. But I can share… AND I’m not famous…. but, because I am always on the same channels I kept hearing this over and over and each and every time It stopped me….. So I knew I had to write about it.

Last week I talked about choices and this is along the same lines… but deeper…. way deeper. I can tell you that I wanted to get an education, or choose to be a good mom or choose to be a good wife or choose to be an artist. And believe me choosing and choices are half the battle in making a life that we love.

I am learning that the beautiful choices that we make… need to be grounded in who we want to be, who we are at the core, trusting our heart cry.  Our core desires help make everything make sense.  Years ago I just plain ole didn’t like who I was. I was “doing all the right things” But so unhappy. I began a journey of little by little, step by slow step to discover who I wanted to be. Some of those discoveries were through some really painful stuff.  But the road of life usually gives us two choices….. , who people want us to be, or who WE want to be.

Choosing who WE want to be. (our core) doesn’t mean that we leave our job, or our marriage or maybe it does. It doesn’t mean that we change locations, or start a business, or get an education, or never get rest or alone time because of kids. It doesn’t mean that we don’t have a faith or follow God. It just means that we understand how we want to feel in those roles. That we know who we want to be in any situation.

I’m not talking whims of the heart, I’m talking about….true core characters… like  kindness, giving, faithful, significant, sexy, creative. Those are a few of my simplified  core desires and they influence how I parent, how I do business, how I am a wife… everything! They have changed over the past few years, and will continue to change. It’s not easy to live out of those feelings. I have had coaches, accountants and friends tell me I should charge more or not do certain things or be a different parent or have a different faith… but…. I have to go back to who I want to be and how I want to feel in each circumstance. Then I can make decisions.

o I want to say…. TRUST…. trust your knowing, your heart, your soul, YOU KNOW, I know you know, cause I did… I just didn’t listen for a looong time. Get quiet and write it down… write out how you want to feel each day. If you want, you can check out a great book that has helped me. Desire Map by Danielle Laporte, I very seldom recommend books, because I want it to be YOUR journey, but I have to say, that all I have thought about over twenty some years is right in this book.

Soo… If everything falls away… I STILL want to be kind, empathetic,faithful, giving, significant, sexy, creative. Can I be all of those things everyday… um… doubtful… Do I struggle.. absofriekenlutely!  Do I fall down…. and have to brush myself off almost every other day… sigh….. yes!

But I can say with confidence……. I am not sure that I will be an artist forever, a wife, a mother, a friend, healthy,…… because, life just has a crazy way of happening, but I know who I want to be on this beautiful journey.

I would love to share your journey, I would LOVE to know your core desires.