In my last blog post/email, I shared that I wasn’t sure how I would create again. Losing Molly had seemed to pull all the joy out of our lives… out of my life.

I couldn’t understand how the very thing and place that had always brought me comfort and joy could now hold so much grief.

The first time I sat down to experiment and begin a journal for Molly, my hands were shaking. It honestly felt like the first time I had ever created anything.

But as the week went on, and I kept coming back to the table… kept showing up to create in this journal… something slowly began to shift inside me.

I think it has been a combination of many things. The wise and loving words from all of you. The support of family and friends. The work I’m doing through an online grief course. The book I’m currently reading by David Kessler, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. And, of course, so much prayer.

I’m slowly beginning to understand that this kind of loss never really goes away. Yes, the pain may not always feel so blinding, but it becomes a part of us. And what helps is what we build around that grief.

Everyone’s grief journey is different, but for me, I’m realizing that I have to allow myself to feel the pain… and then gently surround it with joy.

Part of me believed that if I laughed, created, or felt happiness again, it somehow meant I was forgetting Molly. But I’m learning the opposite is true. When I allow joy, laughter, creativity, meaningful friendships, loving family, and quiet moments of beauty into my life, my heart grows bigger… and that bigger heart is able to cradle the grief with tenderness.

This is such a slow journey. One step forward, two steps back some days. But I’m willing to take the steps, because I’m realizing that creating — the joy and healing I find there — is part of how I will find my way through.

Over and over these past few weeks, so many of you have shared how my own creative journey has helped you through your healing journeys. I have read every single email and every comment, and I carry your words with me.

That is why I began creating so publicly all those years ago… to share that creativity matters. That a splash of paint, a torn piece of paper, a brushstroke, or a quiet moment at the table can do something profound for our souls.

In today’s video, I’m using some of Molly’s art supplies. She was incredibly creative — everything from needlework to pen-and-ink drawings — but one of my favorite things she created was her carvings. She carved stamps from wood and lino, and they are absolutely beautiful.

Today I’m experimenting with designs for a handout we are creating for her celebration of life in June, along with another page in her journal. These pages feel like conversations with her… little moments where I still feel connected to her spirit and creativity.

Thank you for loving and supporting me — and our family — through all of this. Please keep it coming… we are only beginning this journey of learning how to live after such a loss.

And please remember… YOU matter, your heart matters, and you are so very loved. 🩷

Supplies used:

• Copy paper and collage paper
• Handmade journal
• Gel prints from flowers
• Liquitex fluid matte medium and Liquitex matte gel
• Liquitex gesso white
• Matte acrylic house paint – caramel
• Liquitex acrylic ink raw umber
• Kuretake watercolors
• Glass dip pens
• Winsor and Newton India inks
• Hand-carved stamps
• Letter stamps
• Generals charcoal pencil (ex. soft)
• black soft pastel stick