Today is Pay what you can Thursday…. but before I share the details with you I want to share a story.
This piece and these words have been brewing in me for a few weeks. I love it when it starts. Every artist has a different process for creating. Mine is usually born out of my life and the inner struggles that I deal with. So the process goes like this….. I have a feeling, doubt, or emotion rise up inside me, we do battle, and it is a battle because I’m surprised by this visitor in my head and heart. I ask myself the questions that I have been taught to ask… like why am I feeling this way, what is the root of this emotion, is it valid, or did someone project their crap on me… etc, etc… and then we dance….. me and this feeling. I like to say we dance because, I love to dance for one and two I can hear the rhythm of why and what this feeling is teaching me, and how I can use is in my art and how I can encourage others. Sometimes we dance a short time and Sometimes we dance for a while because it’s touched me and working a magic in my soul. Then the words come and the art flows. It sounds very artsy fartsy, but that’s usually how it works for me.
So for the the last few weeks I have been dancing with the words judgement and release, melding colors and words around them. Looking up the definitions, synonyms and antonyms, just really working some space in my own mind to release.
These words showed up in my brain a few weeks before my last show. I work as a floral designer 20-30 hrs a week and My art and this space and teaching about 30 or more hours a week. So I rarely have blank space and then trying to get pieces done for the show, I was exhausted. But I wouldn’t allow myself permission to take a break. Then I had an argument with myself… do you ever have those? I started asking myself why I felt the need to push myself so hard… and bam… there is was… the judgement word. Like I was the jury on my own life… handing down a verdict of guilty…. of not working hard enough, of making up for the past, of trying to prove ….. something! Like the heavens, the Universe, God was keeping score of my missteps and If I did just one more thing it would turn the tides in my favor. I worked through the show…. and two days after, I got sick. Fever, nose, throat, yuck. Every time I sat down to write, I fell asleep. I would go in to paint, my head would pound. So I stopped. And then came the release. I let go, acquiesced, begrudgingly gave into the needs of my body. This is not a new struggle for me. I will work at this, all day, every day, until I do the final rest. But what I am always learning is beautiful. That I don’t have to prove anything to anyone. That the past is the past. Today is a new day and no one is keeping score and today I can close my eyes, take a deep breath, extend out my hands and release the judgement, the past, the score card and receive grace.
Are you the judge and jury handing out guilty verdicts for your life? Do you feel that you will never be where you want to be because of the past? That this is the best that you can get because of the score card your holding. Let go of the judgement, put down the gavel, you are not guilty, YOU are beautiful! Today is a new day, full of grace, and love and rest. Open your hands and release whatever it is that keeps you feeling guilty or judged and breathe deep and know that you are loved, right now, just the way you are!
THIS IS TODAY’S PAY WHAT YOU CAN THURSDAY OFFERING.. the paint is barely dry on it!
Release 8×8 print or print on wood.
Here are the details as you know for Pay what you can Thursday…. As always, there is a 4.50 shipping charge and then whatever you can pay. No pressure, just wanting to give back. If this is a piece that speaks to you and you have a few bucks in the budget, perfect! If not there will be another one next Thursday.
Just email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) your paypal email, what you want to pay, if you want a print or print on wood and I will invoice you through paypal.
Have a fabulous day, You are loved!